Good management of conflicts that may arise within a team depends largely on effective relationship management. Expert in management and communication, Julien Haucourt takes stock of 3 good practices to implement on a daily basis.
In order to better regulate daily relationships in his team, the manager can rely on 3 levers endorsed by practice. To know :
1/ A good understanding of how the interlocutor works
2/ The expression of each person’s emotions
3/ The importance of words and language
The objective? Facilitate communication. This will also promote the management of existing conflicts and, undoubtedly, prevent a certain number of them.
Conflict management, good practice no. 1: take into account the different personalities that make up a team
Modern management recognizes that several types of personalities make up teams. However, we tend to forget that everyone reacts differently to stress. This therefore has repercussions in conflict management.
Managers have at their disposal different tools or methods, such as the DISC (psychological assessment tool), the OPR© method (optimization of relational potential) or the Process com©. It remains that it is essential to identify the deep reactions and motivations of employees if we want to effectively manage a conflict. And, even more, to develop lasting relationships within your team.
Each personality has its own perception filters, its own motivations as well as associated fears. Based on a self-validating loop, or vicious circle, each personality type reacts in its own way to the stress it experiences. Thus, an empathetic personality, for whom human warmth and the perspective of others matter more than anything, will tend to put the desires of others before their own in cases of stress. Even if it means getting into difficulty.
Clearly, to react well in the event of tension in his team, the manager must have a very complete reading grid. This involves:
1/ Understand the different personalities that make up your team
2/ Be vigilant about the stress mechanisms specific to each personality
The example of Stéphanie, HR director
Stephanie [First names have been changed to preserve anonymity] is HR director of a large entity. She has a go-getter and committed personality. Her colleague is Philippe, a very competent HR manager, who has so far been efficient when it comes to having ideas and conceptualizing. Stéphanie constantly seeks to challenge her colleague, in her own words.
But, Philippe turns out to be a dreamer. More precisely, an “imagineer”, one of six personality types in Process Com®. Therefore, he does not react as she expected to this type of stimulation. Instead of taking the bull by the horns, Philippe seems to become discouraged, even to lose his footing. He becomes shifty, hesitant and unable to make decisions. This even tends to paralyze him completely, which irritates his HR department…
A conflict management training allowed Stéphanie to get to know herself better and to understand Philippe’s personality. She was thus able to modify her own behavior and break the vicious circle. She adapted her management and communication to her collaborator to make them perform and avoid unnecessary conflicts.
Conflict management, good practice no. 2: agree to express your emotions
Whether it is a dispute with a colleague, colleague or superior, conflicts can be frustrating, stressful and emotionally charged. These are the same emotions that many managers try to control, hide, or even repress. And this, for various reasons.
However, using emotions in managing conflicts is a powerful tool for resolving them and building stronger relationships. Indeed, when managed effectively, emotions help us communicate more effectively, understand the other's point of view and find mutually beneficial solutions. Explanations.
Understand the role of emotions in conflicts
In the midst of conflict, emotions can be intense and overwhelming. Anger, frustration and sadness are common reactions to conflict. They impair the manager's judgment and hinder his or her ability to resolve the problem in question.
However, emotions can also provide him with valuable information about how he feels and what is important to him. By recognizing and understanding their emotions, they better understand their own needs and motivations, as well as those of others.
The example of Jean-Baptiste, technical referent in the industry
Jean-Baptiste, technical referent for his service in the industry, has difficulty accepting and expressing his emotions. His education and his experience have always convinced him to hide them. By default, he expects the same from his team. By his own admission, this creates a climate of permanent tension.
The trigger came during management training. Jean-Baptiste then realizes the place that emotions must take in managing his team. Changing his approach took effort. But he managed to develop much more empathetic and healthy leadership.
Using Emotions to Create Connections and Empathy
One of the most effective ways to use emotions in conflict management is to establish an empathetic connection with another. When a manager takes the time to understand and recognize the emotions of others, he can build trust, even during a difficult conversation. This can help both parties feel more comfortable and find a solution that works for everyone.
To develop empathy, try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and imagine how they feel.
1/ Ask open-ended questions to encourage him to share his point of view
2/ Validate their emotions recognizing that you understand how he feels
For example:
You can say something like, “I see you're really frustrated with this situation. I want to find a way to help us both feel heard and respected. »
Conflict management, good practice no. 3: adapt your language
While emotions can be a valuable tool in managing conflict, it is important to express them in a respectful and constructive manner.
Indeed, shouting, insults or personal attacks are unlikely to lead to a productive conversation and can even worsen the conflict. Who has never said: “You handled this file badly!” » ? Instead, try to express your emotions calmly and clearly, using “I” in your sentences. The idea is to describe what you feel and what you want to achieve.
The “You” kills.
And above all, avoid the “You”. Otherwise, you will only provoke defense mechanisms.
For example:
Instead of saying, “You always interrupt me. It's so boring. » You might say, “I feel frustrated when I am interrupted during meetings. It makes me feel like my ideas aren’t being heard. Can we work together to find a way to improve communication and take each other's ideas into account? »
Finally, be careful with the wording of your sentences. Positive language that uses the affirmative form is much more impactful than a negative sentence. Do you want an example ? Well… if I tell you, “Don’t worry. " What are you doing ? You worry.
Indeed, the brain does not recognize negation or absence. In other words: “Stop doing this” or “Don’t do that” are much less effective sentences than “Do differently and replace with…” or “Do this instead”.
To summarize, good conflict management requires effective management of relationships within your team. For the manager, this means paying particular attention to each person's own functioning as well as to their emotions and those of their colleagues. The manager who knows how to use empathy and appropriate language can thus facilitate communication within his team. Empathy and communication? Two key skills for daily managerial leadership!
