Managing the conflicts that can arise within a team depends to a large extent on effective relationship management. Management and communication expert Julien Haucourt takes a look at 3 good practices to implement on a daily basis.
To better regulate day-to-day relations within their teams, managers can draw on the following resources 3 levers confirmed by practice. For your information:
1/ A good understanding of how the other person works
2/ Expressing your emotions
3/ The importance of words and language
The aim? To facilitate communication. This will also help to manage existing conflicts and, no doubt, prevent a number of them.
Conflict management, good practice no. 1: take into account the different personalities that make up a team
Modern management accepts that teams are made up of different personality types. However, we tend to forget that everyone reacts differently to stress. This has repercussions for conflict management.
Managers have at their disposal different tools or methodsThese include DISC (psychological assessment tool), the OPR© method (optimisation of relational potential) and Process com©. However, it is It is vital to identify employees' reactions and underlying motivations if you want to manage conflict effectively. And, what's more, to develop lasting relationships within your team.
Each personality has its own perception filters, motivations and associated fears. Based on a self-validating loop, or vicious circle, each personality type reacts in its own way to the stress it experiences. For example, an empathetic personality, for whom human warmth and the gaze of others count more than anything else, will tend to put other people's desires before its own when under stress. Even if it means getting into trouble.
Clearly, in order to react effectively to tension in the team, the manager needs to have a very complete set of tools at his or her disposal. This means :
1/ Understanding the different personalities in your team
2/ Be aware of the stress mechanisms specific to each personality
The example of Stéphanie, HR Director
Stéphanie [First names have been changed to protect anonymity]. is HR Director of a large company. She has a dynamic and committed personality. Her colleague is Philippe, a highly competent HR manager who has so far been very good at coming up with ideas and conceptualising. Stéphanie is always looking to challenge her colleague, in her own words.
But Philippe turns out to be a dreamer. More precisely, an "imagineer", one of the six Process Com® personality types. As a result, he doesn't react as she expects to this type of stimulation. Instead of taking the bull by the horns, Philippe seems to become discouraged and even lose his footing. He becomes evasive, hesitant and incapable of making decisions. This even tends to paralyse him completely, which irritates his HR manager...
A conflict management training helped Stéphanie to get to know herself better and to understand Philippe's personality. As a result, she was able to change her own behaviour and break the vicious circle. She adapted her management and communication to her colleague to help him perform and avoid unnecessary conflict.
Conflict management, good practice no. 2: agree to express your emotions
Whether it's a dispute with an employee, a colleague or a line manager, conflict can be frustrating, stressful and emotionally charged. The same emotions that many managers try to control, hide or even repress. And for a variety of reasons.
Yet using emotions to manage conflict is a powerful tool for resolving conflict and building stronger relationships. When managed effectively, emotions help us to communicate more effectively, to understand the other person's point of view and to find mutually beneficial solutions. Here's how it works.
Understanding the role of emotions in conflict
In the midst of conflict, emotions can be intense and overwhelming. Anger, frustration and sadness are common reactions to conflict. They impair the manager's judgement and hamper his or her ability to resolve the problem in question.
However, emotions can also provide valuable information about how they feel and what is important to them. By recognising and understanding their emotions, they can better understand their own needs and motivations, as well as those of others.
The example of Jean-Baptiste, technical advisor in industry
Jean-Baptiste, a technical referent in his department in industry, has difficulty accepting and expressing his emotions. His upbringing and experience have always convinced him to hide them. By default, he expects the same of his team. By his own admission, this creates a climate of constant tension.
The turning point came during a management training course. Jean-Baptiste realised the importance of emotions in managing his team. It took some effort to change his approach. But he succeeded in developing a much more empathetic and healthy leadership style.
Using emotions to create bonds and empathy
One of the most effective ways of using emotions in conflict management is to establish an empathic connection with the other person. When a manager takes the time to understand and recognise the other person's emotions, he or she can establish a relationship of trust, even during a difficult conversation. This can help both parties to feel more at ease and find a solution that suits everyone.
To develop your empathy, try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and imagine what they are feeling.
1/ Ask open-ended questions to encourage them to share their point of view
2/ Validate your emotions acknowledging that you understand how they feel
For example:
You might say something like, "I can see that you're really frustrated by this situation. I want to find a way to help both of us feel heard and respected."
Conflict management, best practice no. 3: adapt your language
While emotions can be a valuable tool in managing conflict, it is important to express them in a respectful and constructive way.
Shouting, insults and personal attacks are unlikely to lead to a productive conversation and can even aggravate the conflict. Who hasn't said, "You've handled this badly"? Instead, try to express your emotions calmly and clearly, using "I" in your sentences. The idea is to describe how you feel and what you want to achieve.
You" kills.
Above all, avoid using the word "you". Otherwise you'll only provoke defence mechanisms.
For example:
Instead of saying, "You're always interrupting me. It's so annoying." You could say, "I get frustrated when I'm interrupted during meetings. it makes me feel like my ideas aren't being heard. Can we work together to find a way to improve communication and take everyone's ideas into account?"
Finally, be careful how you phrase your sentences. Positive language that uses the affirmative form is much more impactful than a negative sentence. Do you want an example? Well... if I say to you: "Don't worry." What do you do? You worry.
This is because the brain does not recognise negation or absence. In other words, "Stop doing this" or "Don't do that" are much less effective than "Do it differently and replace with..." or "Do it this way instead".
To sum up, good conflict management requires effective relationship management within the team. For the manager, this means paying particular attention to the way each person functions, as well as to their emotions and those of their colleagues. Managers who know how to use empathy and appropriate language can facilitate communication within their teams. Empathy and communication? Two key skills for day-to-day managerial leadership!
