Assertiveness is now one of the most widely used terms in the professional world. But why is it so? What does it mean in practice? Are we naturally assertive? What impact does it have? How can you work on your assertiveness? Sandrine Bertrand, trainer in communication, management and personal development, provides an overview.
What is assertiveness? A concept coined by the American psychologist Andrew Salter at the beginning of the 20th century.e In the 21st century, assertiveness refers to the ability to express ideas or defend rights without being aggressive towards others.
Assertiveness, a skill that can be acquired
As a manager, are we assertive by nature? We function naturally by interpreting everything that our senses pick up. In other words, the environment has a significant impact on our relationships with others. Our constant interpretations are fragile because they are often distorted or disconnected from reality. We then enter - most of the time, without even realising it - into the world of judgement and beliefs, as much by our nature as by our upbringing or culture. And the combination of all this has an impact on our behaviour. So, to sum up, no one is really assertive by nature. On the contrary, to become assertive, you need to make an effort to become aware of the situation, take a step back and show a real desire to improve things!
Assertiveness, your ally in good management
Whatever your hierarchical level, assertiveness is your best ally for encourage your staff to trust you, listen to you, work together and get involved. In fact, by being assertive in your positions, by listening and being kind, you lay solid and lasting foundations. As you can see, to be assertive, you must already have good self-esteem. Self-esteem is built around self-image, self-love and self-confidence. A winning triple that makes you strong! And it goes hand in hand with a certain flexibility of mind and genuine humility, sincere and connected to the reality around you.
Without assertiveness, the major risk is to slide into passivity, aggressiveness or manipulation.
| Passivity | Aggression | Handling |
|---|---|---|
| let everything be, including what doesn't suit you. | In a managerial context, At the very least, this manifests itself as an excess of authority. | Malicious hold exerted on a person to control them. |
The consequences can be damaging at every level, not only for the manager but also for the team and the company. Loss of cohesion, bad decisions or positions taken, inappropriate or unassumed choices... the range of problems caused is wide.
So, how to do it?
Assertiveness starts with yourself!
Dare to move forward and progress! To develop your assertiveness, you need to leave your comfort zone and gradually take the "risk" of evolving. In other words, you have to challenge yourself.
Asserting yourself by developing your self-confidence
Self-confidence is a prerequisite for assertiveness. So where do you start?
- Clarify your desires and needs. Instead of waiting, take charge and be the driving force behind the change you want.
- List your qualities and all the positive things you hear about yourself. Reread them every day, adding to them whenever necessary.
- Set yourself some SMART objectivesFor yourself first of all, to encourage you to be daring, without feeling in danger. Little by little is often the best compromise. And don't forget to work on your mental state before, during and after achieving your goals.
- Encourage yourself - out loud if possible - by always stating your goals positively, in the present and the future.
- Visualize yourself or imagine yourself achieving your goals.
- Congratulate yourself every time you reach a milestone. Make positive thinking and mental strength your greatest assets!
Positive thinking and mental strength are resources that are already within us. To learn how to harness them, we can use certain techniques based on visualisation and mental suggestion. For example: hypnosis, sophrology, mental preparation.
Assertiveness requires sincere and authentic communication
To improve assertiveness, listening is often the first quality to work on. This is because, listen activelyA neutral approach will help you to build trust with your colleagues. So get into the habit of letting others express themselves fully without cutting them off.
Also, be "real" in your exchanges. Ask yourself what you can and cannot accept, and respect your limits. Knowing how to say no with kindness is imperative and salutary when you're managing. To help you do this, note down or remind yourself of the disadvantages of giving an unwanted "yes", as well as the benefits of giving an assertive and considered "no". You can also opt for an intermediate response, such as "I'll think about it".
Finally, make sure you understand the exchange. To do this, ask questions, particularly open-ended questions, and don't hesitate to rephrase.
Understanding, accepting and managing your emotions
How does managing emotions influence assertiveness? An emotion is an energy that carries information. It is a signal that your body sends you to inform you, to make you react to a situation and to help you make a decision. Our culture often teaches us to deny our emotions, in particular by controlling their physical manifestations. For example, we don't cry in front of others, we don't shout... Admittedly, this may seem coherent for living in society. However, a negative emotion must be accepted and recognised as such. This is essential if you are to move on and move forward. Otherwise, the negative emotion will stay with you. Over time, this can lead to inappropriate behaviour at work: outbursts of anger, impatience, stress and irritation... Which will obviously have a negative impact on relations with your team and could lead to dysfunction within the company. Hence the importance of knowing how to accept and use your emotions calmly.
But how?
- Meditation enables us to become aware of what's going on inside ourselves. It is one of the keys to developing self-knowledge.
- There are a number of breathing exercises that can help you manage your negative emotions. When we're under pressure, upset or angry, we breathe badly. Our "reactive" brain takes control and it becomes almost impossible to listen to others in good conditions. In fact, don't we often say "let me breathe" when we feel the pressure building?
- You can also express your negative emotions physically in appropriate circumstances. For example: playing sport (running, boxing...), shouting in a deserted place, calming down in contact with nature...
It's up to you to decide what suits you best!
With a better understanding of yourself, good management of your emotions and a greater ability to listen, assertiveness becomes more and more natural. A range of training courses, coaching and group support can help you to make rapid progress.
